the future

i always thought i'd be successful.  i always thought i'd be the "man" of the house.  always thought i would get married, have children (and possibly retire from work to take care of them), and see them grow up in our house in the middle of suburbia.  and i knew that i'd argue with those same children, cry with those same children, and rejoice and praise God with those same children.  i always thought that was what God wanted, for me to raise up some rowdy bunch of children and witness their growth and development into wonderful servants of God.

i always thought that was God's plan for me.

because he wanted me and called me to love others.  because he gave me a heart for kids and i thought he was calling me to have my own so that i could experience a love like no other.  because he blessed me with skills, talents, and a nurturing home so that any success i imagined was deemed attainable.

but, as i have gone through college, God has been redefining that idea of success and of a future for me.  true, he is still reminding me that he has given me amazing skills, talents, and experiences that shatter any idea of unattainable success.  however, he is also teaching me that monetary wealth cannot compare with the treasure he has in store for me.  he is teaching me that i am not called to love only those around me and those of blood relation, but all of God's children.  to top it off, he's challenging me into a scary lifestyle that i am hesitant to even contemplate.  even now.  after it's been six months or so since i first got presented with the call to be open to this "job"/lifestyle.

i totally thought we had dismissed that idea of a future and deemed it not for me--six months ago--but God has called me to be open to it again today.  and i'm not gonna lie.  it's a little scary/intimidating to think of living like that.  it's even scarier/more intimidating to think about all that i must do to get to that point of being able to live as he is possibly calling me.

yup, what if...